It’s been a while. I had promised that I would attempt to blog more frequently but life as an adult: working mom, wife, gym rat, friend, family member, got in the way. I lost my best friend in May and that hit me very hard. Death at any age can be difficult but when you’re young, you still sort of see death as something in the future. We sure did. We were planning birthday celebrations that were almost 10 years in the future. I lost my will to do much and for a while I was unable to enjoy my usual extracurricular activities. I went through the motions of my everyday life; going to work, caring for my husband and child, and watching a smattering of anime.
I know that this blog is mostly about anime but I want to take the time to honor my best friend. I have still not gotten over her passing and though I know that she is with God and at peace, my heart still hurts. It is not often that we find that person who accepts us no matter who we are. Who laughs at our nerdy antics but doesn’t judge. The friend that keeps you together when you may fall apart.
In Anohana:The Flower We Saw That Day (Ano Hi Mita Hana no Namae o Bokutachi wa Mada Shiranai), when Meiko passes away, the group of friend drifted away because she was the glue holding them together. Although, there was not a group of us, my best friend was like how Meiko was to Jinta, in the way that I have sort of isolated from my other friends and not really wanting to interact with others. Anohana is a good example of how the pain of someone close to you passing away does not always dissipate over time. It can be very long-lasting to the point that it is paralyzing. For the main characters in Anohana, they needed some type of resolution to move on. It is even harder to move on when you don’t know the cause of the death.
There were times where I wondered if there was something I could have done to prevent her passing. Logically, I know that is not true but when you have a conversation with someone on the day of their passing, you go over that conversation repeatedly to see if there was something that you missed. Death is not easy to deal with especially when the death is premature as was the case in Anohana as with my best friend. We don’t know why she passed and we are still waiting on the results. I think there could be some resolution if we knew the reason. It’s definitely hard saying goodbye but I must say goodbye to her, goodbye to all the fun we had, to the fights, to the future plans (she was actually going to an anime con with me for the first time), to becoming old, crotchety women together. Goodbye, my friend, and thank you.
In No Friend Zone, I discussed my lack of IRL friends that share the same interest as I in anime and K-drama. I feel that I need to revisit and provide more insight into this situation and more candor. I mentioned that I did not know any one in my community that watched anime growing up. This was not helped as I was not a consumer of televised media as a child as a result of the parenting philosophy of my progenitors. This led to being a bookworm. There were many times that I was called a “nerd” and when I was a child, being a nerd wasn’t cool or trendy.
All that combined meant I was not very socially interactive. I could not talk with the other children about the shows they watched unless it had been on PBS or the news. No one else read anything outside of the required reading and the fact that I read because I wanted to was really weird to my peers. Don’t read this to and think that I was completely isolated. I wasn’t, I had my built-in friends; you know the ones you really don’t have a choice in and I actually made friends. Or as some of my current friends will attest, they made themselves my friend. As I grew older, I also did not make many female friends. I did not really notice this until I became an adult. I only recall two females in my homeroom and I’m sure they were more. But I remember the males; not all, the ones I interacted with. This shows me that I didn’t talk to an of the females in my homeroom on a consistent basis; if at all.
I’m no longer friends with the males for the most part because there are social mores at play. I’ve got two good male friends, one who does share my interests and the other whose idea of anime probably leans towards the hentai area. So that brings us back to today, my social awkwardness makes it harder for me to communicate with others; especially females. In particular at anime conventions where I feel it may be the most likely place to find a friend similar to myself. The deeper issue is I really have a hard time communicating with females. It was always much easier and still is for me to interact with males when it comes to my interest. The feeling of judgment or like I’m being compared to themselves is not there. I don’t feel that I’m being measured and I feel that way with females.
I would like to have a female friend close to my age with a similar background and similar tastes. But the truth is, I really don’t know how to make a friend.
I have been very negligent with my blog. The only excuse that I have is adulthood has been really kicking my behind. Being a wife, mother, and working two jobs does not exactly lend itself to blogging consistently. I was able to blog consistently when I first started because I would blog at a job that had that allowed me a lot of free time. I’ve now gotten a job that is usually very busy and my internet pursuits are laid by the wayside. However, there have been some positive recent changes that may let me start back blogging. But the question is should I start where I left off or dissolve my blog?
I don’t want to close my blog because for a couple of years, I was pretty steady in my posting. My anime watching has decreased but not by much. I still watch about three to five shows at a time. I have added K-drama into the mix but I have not decided if I were to keep my blog; would I add posts about K-drama. The conundrum I’m facing regarding keeping the blog open is that I feel obliged to have regular posting. And the way my life has become lately, I don’t feel that I can commit to regular posting.
Clearly, there are people that still read the blog as I still get comments on my post regarding Ergo Proxy. That post has turned out to be one of my most popular posts and it was written almost four years ago. However, if people peruse my blog further, they would find that there has not been much activity or it has been sporadic in the last two years. The fact that I have kept this blog as long as I have is an accomplishment in itself. I did not expect to still have it activated this long. It would be bittersweet to end it.
I love Japanese animation and I have a cursory knowledge of samurai and Japanese vending machines. Periodically, I read Japanese news to kind of get a feel of what is going on in Japan. But can I actually live there? The tiny apartments, the earthquakes, the language, racial, and cultural barrier. Am I brave enough to overcome those challenges? I wouldn’t be going alone. My husband and our spawn would be along for the ride. That adds even more to it. I know I can do it on my own but what about my husband and our small one who doesn’t really care for new places or people? It has been a fleeting dream of mines to live in Japan. To live somewhere completely different than where I am from and live. To be an obvious outsider, a foreigner, no knowledge of the language, and very little understanding of the nuances in Japanese culture. I would have to do much more research than my superficial forays into the “weird” parts of Japan and my casual reads of Japanese news. I would really need to try to learn as much about the culture as possible before making a decision to live there for a couple of years.
Would I be able to adapt to the culture? I wouldn’t be alone so that might make it easier. It leads to me to wonder what do I really know about Japan?
It took me
three years to finish Jormungand. Technically, two and a half but I did it. I finished the show about the boy soldier. And the ending was disappointing. I finally found the time to finish the series and I was letdown. There was no reason for there to be a second season because it was a waste of time.
I enjoyed the first season but I had much difficulty getting through the second season. The show initially reminded me of Black Lagoon in terms of the characters and OP and ED. However, it lost that comparison with the continued flatness of the characters. They lacked personality, growth, relatibility. The child soldier, Jonah, aged physically throughout the show but did not appear to age physically. Koko, the loco arms dealer became boring and the revelation of her grand scheme was underwhelming at best.
It glossed over familial type relationships even in ruthless gun squads but didn’t go much further. There was plenty of silly antics that added little to the story. I wouldn’t have minded it being a little more serious. It tried to be philosophical about the needless wars humans wage against each other but fell short. Better to just stick to the first season and not bother with